


I Don't Believe You

by squeeliferuiner



Series: Compromise [4]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack Pairing, Lokiwell, M/M, Mpreg, Ravelry, That isn't my fault either, This is not my fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 13:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squeeliferuiner/pseuds/squeeliferuiner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jasper Sitwell's bad day gets significantly worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Believe You

**Author's Note:**

> Kinkade is property of Keltai. The others are property of Marvel and voiced by Tsita, Americanwitch, and sylverling of Ravelry.

“Agent Sitwell? I know we don’t normally talk, but you’re the most senior agent available and I think we have a problem.”

Sitwell startles awake and blinks at the disembodied voice coming over his comm. “Yes, Agent Kinkade, what is it? I hope it’s important.” He glances at the digital clock embedded into the wall. Not even 0600.

“I think you really should see this, sir. I’d rather not discuss it over the comms. I’m, er. Standing outside your office.”

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face, then sits up, flips on the lights of his quarters, and pulls on SHIELD-issue sweatpants and a t-shirt. Hopefully whatever Kinkade’s worried about will go quickly enough that he’ll still have time to hit the gym before he has to be in his office. He sets his glasses on his nose, grabs his comm, and heads out the door.

And there Agent Kinkade is, standing outside his office, looking as awkward as he feels, but holding out a SHIELD mug of what smells like coffee to him as he arrives. “Come on in then,” he says, opening the door and ushering her in. He hits the button to start up his computer and settles behind his desk, wincing slightly – he’s still covered in welts from his unfortunate encounter with fire ants. “What’s so important it couldn’t wait a couple of hours?”

“This.” She hands him her tablet, reaches over and touches a button on the screen. A video starts to play. There’s no sound, for which he’s immediately grateful, because the video is…compromising.

“Where’d you find this?” He asks sharply, looking up at the junior agent. “And is this the only one?”

She shakes her head. “It’s on the SHIELD intranet, and no, there are more.” She takes the tablet back from him and navigates out to a folder of half a dozen different clips. “They just showed up. No idea how.”

Sitwell curses under his breath. “Hold on.” He reaches for his comm, speaks to the comm officer on the bridge. A moment later, he’s patched through to AD Hill.

“I hate to disturb your vacation, Hill, but we’ve got a security breach,” he says. “Kinkade’s here in my office. She just alerted me that somehow there are videos of your vacation on the SHIELD intranet.”

A pause, and then Hill’s voice answers back. “Videos? And what do these videos show, Sitwell? Kinkade?”

“Erm, to borrow a phrase from Cpt Rogers, scenes of a fondue-related nature. With yourself, Agent Romanov, Agent Coulson and Agent Barton. Not all together, I hasten to add. Instructions, ma’am?” Kinkade answers.

A moment later, Hill also curses. He can hear Coulson’s voice in the background and pretends he doesn’t.

“I want all files handed over immediately, Kinkade, or you’ll be my sparring partner for a month.” Well, no ignoring Coulson’s voice when he’s snapping it right at the comms.

“Lock down all video feed from the island.” Hill. “Use the tracking software to find out who’s viewed it.”

Kinkade’s expression is almost comical. “Um, how long do you have, ma’am? I have however blocked Stark from downloading any files from the intranet, unless it’s already too late. I am currently running a monitoring program on the internet to alert us if anything tagged with ‘SHIELD’ or ‘Sex tape’ shows up. So far nothing. Oh, except Sitwell with Loki. Don’t suppose that he told Sitwell that.”

“No. No, he did not.” Sitwell puts his face in his hands. “Just when I thought this couldn’t get any worse.”

Hill responds, “Thank you for being a professional about this, Kinkade. Just compile the list for me. We will be back to the ‘carrier late this afternoon or early in the morning depending on the situation here. Sitwell, you get to start damage control.”

“Oh, by the way, Agent Sitwell,” Kinkade adds, “the video of you is on Redtube now.”

“Oh god. Seriously, I hate my life right now.”

“And sir? It seems to have gone viral. You’re at fifty thousand hits and counting in just the last hour. And some of the comments seem to be quite appreciative.”

He looks up. “Oh?” She hands him the tablet. He scrolls through, and his brows rise. “Right. Okay. I’m still going to get this taken down.” He hands the tablet back. “Kinkade, why don’t you go back to the bridge and see what you can find out about where these are coming from, and I will…do…something. I don’t know what yet.”

“Sounds like a plan, sir.” She pops up out of her chair, turns smartly on her heel, and departs. He lets his head thunk onto the desk.

“Having fun yet, Sitwell?”

He’d forgotten about Hill on the comms. “More and more every minute, ma’am.”

“Any regrets yet?”

He shrugs, ignoring the fact that she can’t see him. “Jury’s out.”

“Right. Well. We’ll round up Barton and Romanova and get back as soon as we can. Handle this, Sitwell.”

The line clicks off before he can respond.

And then buzzes again.

“Agent Sitwell?” It’s Kinkade.

“What’ve you got for me, Kinkade?” He asks, without moving his head from the desk.

“All signs point to Stark’s involvement. The island videos were uploaded to his servers approximately an hour ago. They don’t seem to have gone beyond that yet. I’m working with JARVIS to keep them locked down until I can discuss the situation with Miss Potts. Also, Thor is looking for you.”

“Oh, happy day. Is he brandishing Mew-mew? How’s his mood?”

“Normal, I’d say, which is to say very cheerful and slightly drunk giant Labrador. This may not be a good sign – Dr. Foster says he’s rather fond of his nephews and nieces, strange as they are.” He can _hear_ the smirk in Kinkade’s voice. This is just not even remotely fair.

“Well, at least I probably won’t be electrocuted.” He sighs. “More the pity. Send him down, if you would.”

He squeezes his eyes shut and winces. It is still far too early for this shit.

Some time later, his comm buzzes again.

“We’re on our way to New York,” Hill informs him. “Apparently it’s Stark _and_ Bond, but the videos have been contained. Yours is still up and collecting hits. Hope you’re happy. How’d your conversation with Thor go?”

Sitwell, by now attired in his usual suit and non-regulation tie, groans. “He tried to kill me with a slap on the back and called me ‘Brother.’ Do you have any idea how much paperwork this is going to involve?”

“I do, Sitwell, and it’s all on you. Coulson says he hopes you enjoy every last paper cut.”

“Can you hold on a sec, Hill? There’s someone at my door.” Sitwell stands up, opens his door, and finds himself glomped, then pushed backward back into his chair.

“Well,” he manages a moment later, “I have good news and bad news…depending on how you look at it. The good news is that you don’t have to kick Stark too hard for the RedTube thing. He’s not responsible for it.”

He pokes at the giggling mass on his lap experimentally. The mass giggles harder.

“The bad news is that you-know-who posted it, and I know this because he’s back on the ‘carrier looking immensely pleased with himself and also Thor was right about the glow and apparently Asgardians are very snuggly when they’re breeding.”

Loki nuzzles into his neck.

There is silence from the other end of the comms, and then, “You get to tell Fury yourself, Sitwell.” And she clicks off.

_Oh, shit._


End file.
